Forever (Bonkai)
by IAintPunkRock
Summary: Looking at his eyes feels like flying, like holding out my hands to the blue sky, not really caring that the heat of the sun can burn me. I was like Icarus. And he is the sun.


**AU Bonkai**

It had been days. And weeks. And months. Yet a single trace of him was not seen. Not his brown hair that I'd love to tangle my fingers with. Not his dimples that are clearly visible the moment a sly grin form in his plump lips. Not even the blue irises that somehow look a little bit of green when light shine to it. I was wrong when I thought he'd come back. I somehow managed to gather my strength that gloomy day, but now that the memories come flooding back, he never does. He was gone. He really is.

 **Malachai Parker is gone from my life for good.**

The day had just started but it seems that I'm already tired. I am too lazy to stand up from my bed and I am more than sure that I'm a mess. Finally finding the energy to get out of bed, I faced a mirror and found myself right. With my disheveled hair, dark ringlets are forming from under my eyes and my lips are too dry. I forced myself to smile and did a great job at the attempt. But I failed. Trying doesn't mean getting what you desire. Not at all times.

If he was here, he would envelop me in a tight hug that can squeeze my little body and trap me inside his strong arms. In the first place, he won't even let me get out of bed without kissing me in the forehead.

Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes, but I'd been careful enough to wipe them immediately with the sleeve of the shirt I am wearing. If I ever want to move on and live a normal life, I have to stop this. But what exactly is **_this_**?

Should I stop reminiscing everything we had been through?

Should I stop remembering everything he does, from the way his laughter filled the room when I crack a corny joke to the way his knuckles turn white when he's angry? Should I forget his amused look when we bicker and I come up with some nasty comments?

Should I stop rewinding all the things we did? Should I forget the day we rode a roller coaster and I just watched the priceless expression in his face? Should I let go of those winter nights when he held me tight to keep me warm?

 ** _Should I stop loving Kai?_**

I sighed. My mind is not obviously cooperating with me today. What I last needed are thoughts of him, but my stubborn brain is pushing pictures of him into my consciousness. Why is that like that? When you want to get over someone, it's more that you remember the happy times with them? This is unfair. I am thinking of him and he might be somewhere, glad to get rid of me.

My room is a simple bedroom. The walls are adorned with a beige paint, although some parts are already smeared. The two glass windows located at the side of the bed are always closed and the pink curtains are always down. But two months ago, it wasn't. My room is a happy place to be in, a safe, peaceful sanctuary for the both of us. For just the both of us, against everyone, against the world.

I opened the door and walked out. I live in a not-so-big apartment in suburbs of Texas. I like it because it's actually comfortable here and the rent is low. **_It's not comfortable here without him,_** the ever annoying voice inside me is present again.

I went to the kitchen to maybe have some food. Who am I kidding really? Since he'd been gone I didn't cook for myself again. I just order random food or buy canned goods to eat. **_I started not to give a damn to the world and to_** _ **myself,**_ my subconscious whispered. Opening the refrigerator which is in the corner of the room, I looked for something to eat. Unfortunately, I remembered that I don't actually have real food in this house except cupcakes, some flour, a few eggs and a wine.

Perfect.

I grabbed the bottle of wine in its neck and prepared a glass. I bought it last week from some door-to-door agent. The bright rays of the sun peeked into the curtain which covered the window in front of me. Who cares if I'll be drinking in this time of the day? I chuckled. I hummed a rare melody, trying to relax myself before I do the most stupid thing to do again - remember _him._ I poured the wine and filled about one thirds of the transparent glass. I put the tip of the glass near my mouth, silently telling myself to calm down and maybe, just maybe, have a good time.

"What are you doing?" a deep, husky voice boomed behind me. My breath hitched and the suddenly I had butterflies on my stomach.

"Are you drinking?" the voice was heard again, this time I think it's going near to me. His tone is higher than usual but still laced with concern.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I'm having a hallucination and I am not even drunk. I have to check the alcohol content of this wine later. Or maybe tomorrow when I wake up.

I almost laughed at myself and shook my head. Wow, so now I am seeing him already? Great, I'm considered a psychopath girl who's in loved now? Wait, I thought between the two of us he is the mentally unstable? Am I obsessed at him that much? So was it true that love is like a drug and I am stoned? I hadn't had a lot of wine yet so why am I imagining him right now? I haven't finished my glass and I'm fantasizing his presence. I am not drunk and I am still on my mind-

"Why are you ignoring me?!" he held my wrist and snatched the glass from me. _How dare he?!_

"Bonnie, listen to me, come on!" he ordered. My feet were glued on the floor, still convincing myself that everything of these are pure illusions, simple proofs of me losing my mind over him.

His big hand held my chin, motioning me to look at him. I closed my eyes. This is not happening! Why would he go here?! Why now? Now, that I had moved on already? **Fool yourself Bonnie, but you hadn't moved on yet, idiot!** I hate the voice that constantly tried to fight me. I am strong.

Or so I thought.

I felt him caressing my cheeks using the pad of his thumb. Just like the way he used to whenever I am tired. I opened my eyes finally. I gasped for air. In front of me are his eyes, his irises darker than ever, his long eyelashes, his plump lips. He's here. Back. But why?

"Bon, what's wrong?" he asked. I like to answer the question but the only reply I can think of that moment is that I'm doing it all to **forget** and I'd rather not spill that reason. He put the glass in the nearby table and gripped my wrist. "Why had you been drinking?"

I cannot be dreaming. His grip on my wrist is tight but not enough to leave bruises though. He'd never want to hurt me. A lump was rising in my throat.

He must have noticed my heavy breathing because his gaze softens and his thumb draw circles in my palm.

I escaped from his grip and stepped away out of fear. Not fear that he will hurt me, but fear that he's just here to say his goodbyes and leave me once more. My whole life is consists of being afraid mostly. It's either being scared that some supernatural like a thousand year-old vampire or a group of chanting evil witches will kill me, or they kill someone important – someone I love and care about. But the fear that seemed to be drowning me, squeezing my lungs in an unbelievable painful way, is not because of those two reasons. The day he left can almost be the date I'd like to out on my deathbed. And the mere minutes after he went out the door, I lose all flying fucks that I once gave for this messed-up earth. I realized there was greater fear than the two. It is the fear of losing _**him.**_

More than sixty days I spent in hell. My skin burned without his touch. I was blinded by his absence. I was choked by the very idea of him so far away from me. But I steeled up. I wore a smile like it is an invincible armor that can protect me. All this time I wanted to stop thinking of him, just this day to come and ruin it all.

"W-what a-a-are you... Why are you here?" My voice betraying me, I asked him without looking at those hypnotic eyes of his. My mind was blank but I had no choice but to blurt out the first question that bothered me.

"I'm here for you", he answered, his voice reeling up scenes of us together in my mind.

"Listen please. I know that I made a mistake and I did a lot of them. I don't know but maybe I have this Making-A-Lot-Of-Mistakes Syndrome and its incurable", he joked and he smiled a little. His humor is bad and I admit that there were times that I faked my laughter to not offend him.

"I'm even bad at joking", he said to me. I want to sneak a peek at his eyes but I didn't find the courage to do so. Until now I am weak and coward to face him

I chuckled, but only to mock him. This can't be happening right now. He'd been away for too long just to be back for me. I hadn't seen him for forever and that killed me and I don't think I am capable of being alive again. I am a witch, a powerful one and as my friends counted on me once to resurrect someone, I don't think I can't do it to myself. **_That's because you'd been way long dead and your heart is shattered into too many million pieces, Bonnie._**

But wait, I can't understand. Why is he back for me? I can't wrap my mind on what's happening right now.

"I-I know what I did was wrong. Fuck, I was wrong!" his words were with desperation and one more minute with him I swear I am going to hug him here. "I left you like the asshole that I am. I'm selfish, Bonnie. I'm sorry Bonnie. Please", his ragged breathing and my quiet moans are the only sound in the room. He walked towards me once more, taking advantage of me who is still looking at the floor. He held my arms within his. "Come with me please", he whispered, his hot breath tickling the skin near my ear.

His blue orbs that I grew to love pierced at mine. I'd always been jealous of his eyes which are not boring compared to mine.. He stared at me. That was one of my weaknesses-when he started to like, suck the life out of me just by looking directly at me. It can melt a rock. _**Looking at his eyes feels like flying, like holding out my hands to the blue sky, not really caring that the heat of the sun can burn me. I was like Icarus. And he is the sun**._

Come with him?

Should I come with him?

He, who is the entire reason why I am crying? He, who causes all the pain I am feeling right now? He, who made all my sweet smiles to be sobs and cries? He, who trapped me in my own fantasy? Should I go with him?

"Bonnie, please. You know I love you", he told me. "Come with me please?"

"Listen please, Bonnie, I'll understand that you don't want to see me, not like now that you're getting over me. Or gotten over me already. But please hear me out. We made mistakes, both you and I. Yes, I admit mostly it's me. Perhaps you're tired of me. But I don't want you to be. Bonnie, I love you and nothing's gonna change that", goose bumps appeared on my skin the second I heard him say the L word. "And I don't fucking give a damn that they are against us", I winced at his curse. "Your parents, your friends, my coven or any other supernatural being, even reality, screw them cause they don't understand. I know this, that our love is not right, it was never right. But that's supposed to be like that, right? That cliché somersault whenever we kiss? Or that sappy moments when we cuddle? These are all wrong, but I am demanding yes. I am selfish to want everything from you. I am greedy enough to want everything that you are. Every night we cuddle in your bed and every single time you lay your head on my chest. Every morning you try to cook bacon but burn it. Those three times that you fail your driving exam even if I had been teaching you for ages already. I miss them Bonnie. I'd been craving for them", his speech was sincere and his eyes are starting to get red. My lips are trembling and I know that his hands are cold now although his hand didn't lose contact with mine.

"I fucking left. That was like the highlight of all the wrong things I did. The worst decision I made. And I regret it. All of it. From the very moment I told you I don't want this anymore, to the time I walked out of this apartment. I am a sociopath. The whole world had been throwing those words to me since I can remember. I accepted it like it's a title and I am some honorable man. They said I am incapable of feelings. What they didn't know is that feelings are our choice. It is us who choose what to feel, how to feel. Minus those times when we can't seem to control the surge of our emotions, I believe in that. Because I chose to fall in love with you." Kai shifted. He paused, his eyes speaking words that even I can't fathom. "Well, as the Gemini coven leader, I am megapowerful", he grimaced. "I could've easily killed the stupid sensation I feel when you're around. That quick and this will all be over. And then I will be blank. Empty. Void of anything and everything. But hey, at least I could have had avoided numerous dilemmas and heartaches. But I didn't. Omnipotent warlock and all, I chose to love you. I love you."

"Bonnie. I hate the way your name sounds so perfect. I hate that when I hear it, stupid butterflies fly on my stomach. I hate that all I dream now is being with you. I hate that I am being a jerk just to shoo other guys away from you. I hate the way I can't look at other girls like the way I look at you. But I hate that I hurt you. I am an asshole to you and you don't deserve it", he confessed. "I came back for us. I came to fight for what we have. No matter what can this cost me, I am willing to fight for you. And I don't care if your family is against us. Or your friends, or other people who don't know about us. They don't want me for you but who cares?"

"Come with me?" he requested.

That question rang repeatedly on my ears. A simple question that can make us or destroy us. Funny how a YES or a NO can change our lives forever. It's like being on a math exam and you hadn't reviewed the day before. It feels like you know how to solve the math problem because you actually listened when it was taught, but you suddenly forgot the formula to have it answered. It's like a dilemma of eating chocolates and satisfying the crave or not eating the sweets to maintain your weight.

My tongue got tied and the words got trapped. I don't know what to say and I am even confused on what to feel. I can feel his eyes are still glued to me and I am afraid that I cannot return the stare.

He said that he loves me like it is the most natural thing in the world. Honestly I didn't expect him to say that he wants not only to get back in my life but also to fight for me, to fight for us.

"Do you still love me?" out of the blue he asked me. I can smell his hot breathe which is a pleasant mixture of peppermint and cinnamon.

My world stopped turning and time stood still. I wondered of the question. Do _I love him?_ Two months had passed and a lot changed. The smiles that I dreamt of keeping forever faded like a bubble. The sparkle in my eyes was replaced by the moist of my tears. And those three words that I used to tell him turned to sobs and whimpers. **_Do I still love_** _ **him?**_

My mind didn't speak of itself. My logic was defeated and reason seemed to fly away. Common sense was stripped off of me.

I closed my eyes tighter. I can feel my tears pooling on my eyes. I am always this weak when he's around me. Yes, he drains me all the possible strength and self-confidence I have.

But I risked everything. My heart thumped and my whole body numbed.

Yet for the first time in sixty days, I did dare to stare at those blue eyes again. Hs forehead is a bit sweaty and his hair is in its usual mess. His long eyelashes compliment his eyes. He's perfect. Always had. Always will. His pink lips are parted and I know that he's nervous for my answer. I stood like a statue in front of him.

After seconds of being just like that, I couldn't take it anymore. I got free from his embrace, his arms falling on his sides. I stepped away from him, creating distance between us.

"Bonnie, baby, please", he begged once more but I already had made up my mind. "No don't do this to me", I heard him plead but it was too late. I looked at his eyes that glowed like stars in the darkness, his full lips slightly frowning. I let out a breath before I tried to get near to him again and putting my arms in his nape, kissing him. My toes are struggling on its tip to decrease the height gap between us. He was shocked at first when my lips touched his, but he responded quickly. The kiss was chaste, but is full of passion, happiness and love. It seems that there are fireworks in my stomach. I pulled back to look at him, smiling.

"I never stopped", I admitted. That is the truth. That even how much effort I put on moving on, I simply cannot. Weeks ago, my friends told me that I should probably go out and visit clubs. "There are other fishes on the sea", they said. But I know that's impossible. **He is my sea.** And I don't care if his vastness engulfs me to oblivion, I will stay with him.

"I missed you", I said. He grinned before hugging me again, this time interlocking our hands. He flashed me his cheeky smirk, making his dimples visible. He put his forehead into mine, our noses touching.

"I missed you more. It seemed like forever since I left. I'm such a shit to think I can live without you", he murmured.

I laughed lightly. "You're a romantic dork", I cooed.

"And you love me", he replied, not breaking the tight hug.

"And you love me too", I said.

"And I am not leaving you again, Bon Bon", he let go of the hug to face me. I giggled when he said my nickname. "And never would I ever let you to leave as well".That was all until he kissed me.

I gaped at him and I saw his soul. He's beautiful and I felt so lucky to have him back. I kissed him once more, this time his hands were on my back, steadying me. Our lips moved in sync like it had been made for each other. But the truth is I'd never been so sure that we are for each other.

Every second that passed seems like eternity and I don't want it to end. Every touch he laid on me is like a gift from heaven and I am like a child who protectively holds the precious gift against all odds. My hands ran on his hair and got stuck there.

This moment feels like nothing ever matters anymore. Like when everything is actually irrelevant. Like when everything doesn't make sense but also makes sense at the same time. It's love and I still cannot get the whole concept of it. It is like it's the quantum mechanics taught to grade-schoolers. Practically cannot be understood. But not completely absurd.

I closed my eyes and so did he. All I knew was the broken pieces of myself that I didn't bother to mind for two months had been suddenly coming back in fix. I was more than a shattered glass, left to bleed, punctured by the thorn of the rose I adored, hurt and in pain. But today had been similar to a dream every woman wants to be true.

He bit my lower lip and he deepened the kiss. That was it until we got lost in that moment of ours... forever.


End file.
